The Pale King
19 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: David Foster Wallace, freedom, grad school
I’ve been reading David Foster Wallace’s posthumous novel, The Pale King, lately (which reminds me that I should probably try to return it to its rightful owner, seeing as I borrowed it without asking quite a while ago. He finished Infinite Jest in the time it’s taken me to read PK). Now is a good time to admit that, for as much as I love DFW–like adore… OK I practically worship the guy–I’m actually a little concerned that I’m becoming too indoctrinated by the practical genius of his beliefs and opinions, and lest I lose sight of who I am and what I, Lydia, apart from DFW, thinks, I need to lay him on the shelf for a while and just let my beliefs sit with his, and let life shake out what fits and what doesn’t.
I’m working on applying to graduate schools and I would love to study contemporary American literature. Or more specifically I hope to work with the concepts of grace and redemption within the context of American literature and what role those concepts play in contemporary culture. Or something like that. The idea of studying the environment as a distinct character and symbol in American literature is also extremely intriguing. The longer I spend thinking about what I want to think about, the more things there are to think about. It’s really fun, in a nerdy kind of way.
But anyway, DFW’s writings about freedom and what role it plays in American culture and how much we value it and how debilitating our concept of freedom can actually be totally, completely intrigue me and I also want to incorporate them into whatever I end up studying (we value freedom so much that the only common value in our culture is that everyone is free to think, feel and believe what they want, until what another thinks contradicts what you think, and then they’re wrong. So in fact America’s common ideology is one of hypocrisy, which is what a good friend and I concluded the other day).
I’m intrigued because the Christian tradition teaches that complete freedom is attainable through submission to God, a concept that I totally accept, despite the obvious paradox in the equation, because I believe that grace and redemption are the keys to absolute freedom. I know most people resist this idea because how could you become totally free by being less free? It’s a good question.
If I wanted to matter–even just to myself–I would have to be less free, by deciding to choose in some kind of definite way. p.224
This is getting too tangential, though. The point is, despite my possible DFW indoctrination disorder, which I’ll argue is not a terrible thing at all, I still think he’s a genius with some very True things to say. I just need to sort out what I think from what he thought and make sure my ideas are truly mine.
I do want to share some gems from The Pale King, which is the most fascinatingly boring book I’ve ever read. I hope you find these things to be true, like I do:
Sometimes what’s important is dull. Sometimes it’s work. Sometimes the important things aren’t works of art for your entertainment. p. 138
…Enduring tedium over real time in a confined space is what real courage is. p. 229
Routine, repetition, tedium, monotony, ephemeracy, inconsequence, abstraction, disorder, boredom, angst, ennui–these are the true hero’s enemies, and make no mistake, they are fearsome indeed. For they are real. p. 231
I know they aren’t super uplifting quotes, but I think that by voicing the fears and realities of boredom and repetition and tedium DFW is offering hope, and companionship, and validation. In our most alone moments, in times of angst, there is peace in the knowledge that someone else, most likely lots of someone elses, is experiencing the same fearsome sense of insignificance. So essentially in a book about the IRS and weird people who sweat a lot, Wallace has created community in the depths of solitude and despair.
(I Have Missed) The Joy of Focus
18 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
I’ve neglected this thing for a while, for lots of reasons. Because I’ve been working a TON, trying to make ends meet and pay all my bills, trying to be a generally responsible 26 year old after my six month fully-supported teaching excursion in Thailand. I haven’t written because in the time that I’m not working I’m trying to catch a few waves, or catch up with friends. Because in the time that I’m not working or surfing or catching up with friends, I’m going to weddings, or helping my sister plan a wedding, or talking about weddings.
But mostly I haven’t written anything lately because I’ve been trying to catch up with myself. I’ve done very little to keep myself focused and centered and otherwise grounded, and to be honest, I’m tired. Really tired. It’s so much easier to throw myself into helping others, teaching Bible study, working, and being “busy” than it is to sit and be still and focus on the things that are going to make me feel good. Like writing, or studying all those GRE words that are sitting in a stack on my nightstand (and believe me, it’s not peaceful to wake up in the morning to a tower of unfamiliar words. I should move those), or running, or heck, even sleeping. I just haven’t given myself any time to be alone, and that’s so draining.
Plus, there are aspects of transitioning back into being “home” that are still catching up with me. How do I continue pursuing my passions and dreams without losing momentum? In Thailand it was easy to focus on, well, being in Thailand. I had a specific purpose for a set amount of time, and I had all the resources and desire to be fully engaged in that task. But back at home among friends and activities and distractions it’s so easy to drift and be busy and lose focus on the things that are so important to me. I don’t want to lose that drive to achieve the things I hope to achieve. And then there’s the whole transitioning-into-a-new-job thing, which actually takes up a lot more focus and energy than I had anticipated. I love the job, but adapting to it is taking some work.
All of that to say: I miss writing! I was inspired by this advice column tonight and decided that enough was enough: it’s time to throw myself back in and write like, well, a motherfucker, according to the column (Sugar’s words, not mine. Sorry parentals). Not that writing will make all of life’s little stresses disappear, but it definitely helps to frame them in their proper contexts. Which helps a whole lot. And in the process of writing, there is joy, which is always a good thing.
